I'm all for freedom of association, but I'd rather people own up to their behavior and admit it than find some pretext excuse. The one thing I commend about the guy making the anti-Asian comments was that he at least owned it. Then when I met up with a friend, the same guy who was making the comments walks up to my friend, mumbles something about Asians in his ear while glaring at me, then walks away while saying loudly "you know it's the truth." The only thing going through my head was "This can't be happening".īut then it really hit me: this is completely acceptable behavior for gays. I looked around-I was the only Asian person in sight. While at a local gay bar here in Austin waiting for a drink, I overheard this voice making comments to his friend about how there were too many Asians, and how Asians needed to go.
Whatever confusion may have existed was cleared up a few weeks ago. However, I never really voiced these concerns because I thought maybe it was just me over-thinking things and perceiving something pernicious that wasn't actually so. Typically, I would expect this sort of behavior if the person were actually hot, but more often than not, the offenders are fairly average (and not to sound conceited, but I'd be way out of their league). However, if a white friend were being introduced, these same people would receive that friend a lot more warmly. Secondly, when I talk to a friend and he introduces me to a group of friends, there are usually always a few that roll their eyes and give me this fake, dismissive "hi." Now, when I go out to the clubs I have a white friend accompany me to the bar just so we can get our drinks without waiting endlessly. I was shocked when he was grabbed from behind and forcefully removed from the premises. I once saw this happen to a black guy, who calmly asked why he was ignored, while several white guys were served drinks before him, even though he had been standing there longer. First, at gay bars, bartenders frequently ignore minorities that have been waiting and go straight to the white guy that cut in line. Hanging out with gays, though, my ethnic background has become a huge liability. It seems that overall, "straight society" (if one could even call it that) is a lot more color-blind than "gay society." When one friend introduces me to another in a conversation, I'm not dismissed because of my ethnicity. When I hang out with straight people, my ethnicity rarely acts as a barrier in interactions.
(This is an entirely different ugly subject that I could get into, but I won't). Perhaps this goes more with the superficiality of gays in general in that gay men do not like to associate with people they deem unattractive, and because minorities are almost always viewed as less desirable in the gay community, they are shunned.
Sadly, I've noted that many gay white men in Austin will exclude non-white from their social circles and the reason for such exclusion is because the individual is not white. I'm referring to the method by which many gay men select, or exclude friends or platonic relationships. To clarify, I'm not talking about sexual partners or hookups. I'm a 25 year old gay Asian male, and I have noted innumerable instances of racism and discriminatory attitudes frequently directed at non-white gay men by gay white men. More importantly, I think talking about and acknowledging the ugly realities of racism within the gay community is the only way to a solution. Disclaimer: I was hesitant to bring this up because it's a very uncomfortable subject, but I really needed to get it off my chest.